forgotten data

The first Pokémon game I ever played—but didn't own—was Pokémon Yellow. It was my first experience with the game, but I already watched the show, obsessed over the cards, and collected every piece of Pokémon merchandise I could get my hands on. The other day, when I felt like reliving that old first-time rush, I trashed my room and found Pokémon LeafGreen version. It looked a bit weird, a little darker than I remembered it being, but maybe I was just imaging things. Having not played the remake game for about two years, I didn't remember all that much about it, other than the main player characters. Ready for that old wave of nostalgia, ready to see Blue and Red, I pushed the game cartridge into my red Gameboy Advance SP, and clicked the power switch to on.  

The game started with the usually title movie, ending with the screen with Venasaur, and the command to 'Press Start.' Smiling, already immersed in the old memories made new, I pressed the start button, and, after hesitating, hit 'New Game', saying a silent goodbye to the Pokémon on my old file.

The game started up with the button description menu in the help menu, a feature only available in the LeafGreen, and, I assume, the FireRed, versions. Clicking through it, I read about the world I was about to enter, and so on. I pressed the A button one last time, and Professor Oak came on screen. However, instead of saying his usual 'Hello, there! Glad to meet you,' followed by an explanation of what Pokémon are and what their world is like, this time it was different. Oak's posture changed the moment the light came on around him, and his face almost looked like it was frowning.

'Who are you?' it said. Not fully remembering if he usually said this or not, I shrugged it off and pressed the A button. The following script flashed up in the text box:

'You're not RED.'

My blood went cold.

'Who are you?' the game asked again. I twitched, scared to press the A button. However, my curiosity got the better of me, and I pressed it anyways. The next script scrolled through the dialogue box.

'Choose your name.' That seemed normal enough. Then: 'don't you dare say you're name is RED. That would be a LIE.'

Feeling just a tad creeped out, I entered my name as Daniel, like I usually do in the games. My hands shook, and it took a few typos before I got it right. As the game moved forward, I realized that it never gave me the option to choose whether I was a boy or girl.

Shrugging this off, I watched as the screen cut to the part where Oak asks you what his grandson's name is. However, instead of the lovable Prof being his ditzy self, and saying he's forgotten his own grandson's name, he just said 'Oh. You're Daniel. Thank you for not lying. Lying would be BAD. Being a FAKE is BAD.'

The randomly capitalized words were beginning to freak me out.

Oak turned and walked away, his form fading into the screen, greying into the pixels. The screen cut to black, then returned, this time with Blue. However, instead of standing in his usual cocky stance, he was turned slightly sideways, his face angled away from the front view. His hands were in his pockets, and he looked like he was slouching. He looked lost.

'You're not RED.' He said, repeating his grandfather's words. "You're the brown haired kid.' Another shiver went through my body, and goosebumps rose on my arms as the options 'YES' and 'NO' came up on screen. This was definitely not how I remembered the game from two years ago. I may have forgotten a lot of things, but I think I would have remembered if the game had talked to me and said I wasn't Red.

Frowning but intrigued now, I pressed A on 'NO'. More script from Blue: 'I am Blue. Don't name me something else. Because you would be WRONG.' I clicked A again, but all he said was '………………' much like his original counterpart in the games. And then, like his grandfather before him, he turned and faded into the grey pixels making up the background. The screen faded to black again.

Creeped out now, I flicked the power switch. The screen went dark, and I sat there, my breathing shallow, and my heart racing. I closed my eyes and counted to a hundred. Opening them, I let out a sigh. I had imagined it. That was all. The only explanation. I'd been staying up too late the past few nights, crashing at about 4am, and I was probably just overtired. I watched the screen load, and the only option was 'Continue Game'. With a bad feeling deep in my gut, I pressed it.

The screen loaded black, and, as I watched in horror, I could just see Blue's shape still disappearing. As he faded completely, my own character came onto the screen. I couldn't be certain, but his face looked different. Sadder; almost bleak, or lost. Like normal, the full-sized player character shrank to the normal Sprite you play the game with, only, this time, there was no text box, saying 'Your very own adventure is about to take place!' Just the Sprite, standing in his room, looking at a NES. Still frowning, I decided to keep playing.

When I clicked on the NES, instead of saying 'Daniel played with the NES', it said 'it looks like no one has played it in a very long time', like when you go to Red's house in Kanto after beating the Elite Four in G/S/C/HG/SS. Same with the PC. Nothing would work for me. It just said it looked like no one had touched them in a long time. I knew that this was not the way the game was the first time I played it.

I guided the player Sprite across the room, and down the stairs. The game seemed to be moving extremely slow, the game play stuttering and sluggish. For a moment, I had a terrible thought… that Daniel was dragging his feet; that he didn't want to go downstairs and start his adventure. I shook this off, telling myself I was being an idiot. It was just a game, after all. Just data in a plastic cartridge, and nothing more.

Finally, I dragged my Sprite down the stairs, and into the main room. I walked past the TV, and over to the mother sprite. Instead of saying the usual bit about the TV saying all boys left home someday, the text box said: 'MOM: …you are not my SON.' Her sprite didn't turn to face mine, like they usually do when you talk to someone in the game. It remained facing forwards. When that was all she said, I clicked on her again. Still not turning, the dialogue box said: 'MOM: …where is my SON? Why won't HE come HOME? Why won't HE come back to ME?"

By this point, I was way past blaming the new game play on the fact that maybe my game cartridge had been damaged from being lost under my dresser or something. Disturbed, I kept playing. I needed to see how this played out.

I sent my character out of his house, into Pallet town. I wandered around, towards the grass, knowing that Oak would run out and stop me from going into the grass. But no one came out of the town to stop me. I stopped walking just short of the grass, not wanting to test what would happen if I went out without a Pokémon. Confused, I turned my character around, and walked towards the lab.

Instead of finding just Blue, and having him tell me it was 'just me' and that Oak wasn't there, I found them both. Oak's usual aides weren't there. It was just the two of them, and the three Pokéballs on the table. I picked Charmander, like I usually do. I named it Spike, and then my sprite turned to Blue by itself. I tried to move, but nothing happened when I pressed the D-pad. Frowning, I mashed the buttons, to no avail. A dialogue box finally popped up. It said:

'BLUE: …………I won't fight you. You're not RED. I don't know who you are.'

There was another period of not being able to move, and nothing happening. It slowly dawned on me that my character and Blue were having something like a stare down. Finally, Blue's sprite turned and walked over to the table. One of the Pokéballs disappeared, and he walked out of the lab. Able to move again, I walked my character over to Professor Oak, and clicked A. He did not wish me luck. He did not tell me to take care of my Pokémon. All he said was '…………………………'

Without me pressing any buttons, my character sprite turned and walked out of the lab like Blue had, of his own accord. He stopped outside the door, paused, wandered left, right, back, then right again. He looked like he was wandering around, lost. When I tried to make him move myself, nothing happened. I angrily mashed the buttons again. The help feature refused to come up. When I pressed A, however, a dialogue box finally popped up, saying:

'DANIEL is SAD.' I froze. Never had I encountered a point where the game actually addressed the character directly, other than in the form of another person figuring out who your character is. Frowning, I found that I still couldn't make the player sprite move. He had stopped wandering, and just stood there, looking slumped and forlorn. I pressed A again, and another text box sprang up.

'DANIEL: ……who am I? I don't know who I am.' A strange feeling of sorrow came over me, along with fear. He may have been just a few blocks of data in a pixelated world, held in a battered game cartridge, but I've always felt like I have a real bond with my Pokémon and character, especially after having completed the Nuzlocke Challenge on this very game. I wished that I could just give my poor player a hug or something, and tell him that it would all be okay, that he and I would become the Champion together again.

I touched my fingertips to the screen, and more words popped up. Startled, I jerked my hand back and read them. It was strangely long for Pokémon dialogue.

'DANIEL: ….what's the point? It's all been done before me. All of it. ALL of it. Why should I do it again? I'm just a COPY. A copy of HIM. I can't ever live up to HIM. I don't want to. I took everything from HIM. I'm the brown-haired kid… I'm just a COPY-CAT. Why? Why did they make me?'

Shocked, I stared as the last text box faded off the screen. Nervous now, I hesitated, then pressed A again. My player Sprite spoke one more time.

'DANIEL: I'm just recycled from HIM. I'm a COPY of a COPY. I have to walk in HIS footsteps. I have no CHOICE. I am a PRISONER in HIS life.'

Before I could react, the text box cut off, and the screen went black. It stayed black for a few minutes, and my heart almost stopped. Stories of internal batteries finally kicking the bucket, of broken, glitched games, filled my head, and I panicked, flicking the power switch off and on a few times. Nothing happened. The backlight stayed lit inside my SP screen. After a few more minutes, something changed. The black lightened slightly, turning more grey, and my player sprite spun slowly into view, much like when you use an escape rope. The black screen slowly lightened even more, until it was almost white. There was a flash, and my character sprite was standing in snow. With a jolt, I recognized it as the place in HG/SS, where you meet Red on Mt. Silver.

After a moment of hesitation, I moved my character sprite forwards, along the ledge. As he moved forward, another sprite came into view. It looked similar to mine, but a few things were different, like the hat and minor details in the clothing. Once the new sprite was in full view, my character stopped moving. No matter what I did, he wouldn't move. It was like being back in Pallet Town again, when I was outside of the lab. With dread, I watched a dialogue box pop up. I had kind of expected this, but I had not expected it to be empty.

Finally, it faded, and the sprite I figured to be the real Red slowly revolved around to face mine. The little dots that form the eyes on the sprites, usually black, were red on this one. His hair was most definitely black, whereas my sprite's was brown.

The game seemed frozen, nothing happening, me still unable to move my character. At last, another dialogue box came up.

'DANIEL: …you're RED.' To my horror, unlike the rest of the words, which were the usual black, the word RED was the exact colour it spelled out. The dialogue box border had also turned a dark red, unlike the blue I had set it to be. Without me having to press the A button, the text script carried on by itself.

'DANIEL: …I don't know who I am. Or why I'm here. I—' the text cut off suddenly. A text bubble, like the ones in HG/SS that come up when you talk to your Pokémon, appeared above the Red sprite's head. But, instead of a heart or question mark, it was filled with an ongoing ellipsis that went on for as wide as the bubble was. This was only about 8 '…'s, but it still sent goosebumps up my arms. It seemed to be implying that Red's silence stretched on forever. Which I guess it did. Since he never spoke beyond '…' in the original games, I could only assume that he had been programmed without any dialogue. The "…….." bubble disappeared, and another dialogue box appeared, scrolling through on its own again.

'DANIEL: No, I didn't come to take your place. I don't know why I'm HERE. They created me—no. No, I'm not lying.' More silence, and again the ellipsis bubble from Red. My character spoke again, and I realized that, somehow, the two were conversing within the game. Uneasy, I placed my SP on my desk, and, sitting down in my computer chair, I watched the conversation unfold all on its own.

'DANIEL: I'm a COPY of YOU. Sort of… I'm DIFFERENT.'

'RED: ………………… …………………… …………………..'

When that dialogue box appeared, I jumped. It was the first time Red had communicated without the ellipses bubbles. Looking closer, I could have sworn that the red pixels making up his sprite were brighter, their colour deeper. The red eyes seemed to flare and glow.

'DANIEL: It is like a cruel joke, yes. I don't understand either. I am a victim, too.'

'RED: …….. … .'

'DANIEL: No! I am! I am! I swear, I didn't come here to take YOUR fame. I didn't come here to replace YOU. I swear, I don't understand it either. THEY did this. THEY did. Not me.'

'RED: …….THEY. Did. This……….?'

I nearly fell out of my chair when the words appeared in Red's dialogue box. I thought he couldn't speak. My eyes wide, I carefully picked my SP back up, waiting for it to explode or something. Nothing happened, and I looked back at the screen. They were silent again, the two sprites having a stare down akin to the one between my character and Blue in the lab.

A few minutes later, the text box reappeared.

'DANIEL……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..'

I had to keep pressing A as the text kept scrolling, the ellipses going on and on, the text no longer running on its own. I finally reached the end of Daniel's silence, and there was only one word.

'YES'.

Red was definitely brighter now. His colour was so vivid, it looked to be bleeding into the white pixels making up the snowy background. I looked at Daniel. He looked… faded. He was no longer red. He was almost pink. Looking at Red again, I saw that several white squares around him were turning red. Little red pixel boxes, shaping something like an triangle beneath his sprite.

More text boxes appeared, the script once more running by itself, only much faster this time. My eyes raced to keep up with the words flying rapidly by on the screen.

'DANIEL: No, wait………….stop I just………..it's not…………my fault. Stop………..please I can't…………no control'.

He was fading as he spoke, the pink merging into a dirty orange colour. All the while, Red grew brighter and brighter, burning a disturbing bloody colour. I had the sudden idea that Red was draining my player sprite of his ability to speak. Of his life, if that was what he had in this digital world.

'RED: THEY DID THIS TO US. THEY CREATED YOU. THEY DID THIS TO ME. YOU DID THIS TO ME. YOU ARE THEY. YOU MUST BE DELETED.'

Daniel's sprite was going grey now. I had tears in my eyes, and I couldn't stop the shivers rolling through my body. Every hair on my arms and legs and on the back of my neck was standing straight up. My scalp felt tingly and strange. I was terrified, yet I felt so sorry for the two characters inside the screen. They were trapped in this digital world, forced to live the same plot over and over and over. Sure, you reset your old game to start a new one, but who knew if the game ever really forgot the previous save files, or if they just piled up, on and on, decaying stories and forgotten lives.

The snow around Red was turning bright pink, and it had spread further around his sprite.

DANIEL…………don't………………………………please.

The text scrolled by so slowly, I almost thought the game was going to freeze right there. However, when Red spoke again, the text flashed by so fast, I almost didn't catch it.

RED: 'YOUAREACOPYOFMEANDIAMYOUANDYOUAREMEBUTYOUARENOONE'

As I watched, a weird sort of ripple distorted my player sprite's form, and he turned dark grey, then black, then white. He faded into the snow. I couldn't be sure if he was still there, or if he had just blended in with the background; became part of the date making up the scenery. I smashed the buttons, and nothing happened. Just nothing.

The screen moved; roaming forward until Red was dead center. The snow around him was dark, deep red; the entire cliff was bathed in the colour of blood. Red's eyes finally turned the black they were supposed to be. They seemed to melt down his face, dripping into the blood-coloured snow, black spots in all the red.

One last text box appeared, and it was all red; dark red words on a faded red background. The border dripped like candle wax.
RED: INTERNAL BATTERY HAS RUN DRY. SAVE FILE CORRUPTED. GAMEPLAY HAS CEASED

The screen began to fade to black, until the only thing left was Red, and some of the polluted snow around his feet. There was a pause, and I was certain that the game had really frozen now. The screen suddenly flashed white, and the cliff Red was standing on seemed to disintegrate, the pixels exploding; stretching and distorting. Everything went completely black, the power and back lights shutting off completely. I stared at my SP, and shuddered.  I turned away, disturbed, and stood up. As I moved away from the desk, a sudden screeching sound issued forth from my SP's speakers, and I screamed, grabbing it and forcefully shutting off the speakers. It didn't do anything. The screech went on. It felt like my head was splitting in two; no SP speakers should be able to make a sound so loud.

I lifted my arm to throw the SP against the wall, just wanting the terrible sound to stop, when it cut off mid-note. Startled, I looked down at the Gameboy in my hand.

It was red. Daniel's sprite, this time all black, flashed onto the screen. Then off. Then back. There was a sickening, low thumping sound issuing from the speakers. It sounded like… like a heartbeat.

Daniel pulsed into view three more times, then froze on the screen. His shape twisted, skewed, and morphed into Red, who faded from black to a slightly darker red than the background. A final dialogue box appeared.

RED: THEY cannot replace ME

Then the screen went entirely white, and large black letters scrolled across the blank background.

GAME FILE DELETED.

The screen went black.